The Numinous
The question as to why our culture, in which we were so deeply rooted and steeped, was infected by the punitive, the terrible, and the vengeful to such a extreme degree, is a topic which would go way beyond the scope of this essay, so it may need separate treatment at a later date. The fact was, that, as a young boy, I lived in fear of God. I had been clearly instructed, mainly by teachers in my most tender years – all members of religious orders – that a list of all my sins was being accurately kept and, if I were good, I could make it to heaven, most probably by way of a stint in purgatory, a somewhat lesser form of hell. On the other hand, if I were not good, I was sure to go to hell.
Surrender
All addictive patterns have in common the issue of control; the obsession with establishing, retaining, and losing control. The drinker steps into the pub `for one´ on the way home and finds herself still at the bar at midnight, the family at home long forgotten. The workaholic swears that he will move down a few gears after the current project is handed over, only to wonder, years later, what happened to such resolutions. What is required is the surrender to the impossibility of control. This is a bitter pill to swallow for anybody brought up to `get a grip´ on life and, when things get difficult, to `pull yourself up by your boot straps´.
Responsibility
When growing up as the fifth of ten children, the word `responsibility´ took on a certain meaning for me. My associations included; burden, sacrifice, bondage, criticism, being held to account, judgement, damnation, and other uncomfortable experiences. I decided there and then that, one day, I would be free of all this nonsense…
Taking Things Personally
I first became aware of the Hopi Nation in 1982 when the film Koyaanisqatsi, directed by Godfrey Reggio with music by Philip Glass, hit the big screen. Created between 1975 and 1982, the film is an apocalyptic vision of the collision of two different worlds – urban life and technology versus the environment. There are several meanings to the word `ko.yaa.nis.katsi´ (from the Hopi language). These include; 1. crazy life, 2. life in turmoil, 3. life disintegrating, 4. life out of balance and, 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living.
