If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together!
African Proverb
The Merriam-Webster Etymological Dictionary first caught my attention when I began teaching English to international managers in the 1980’s. Having just moved from my native Ireland to Germany, this was a typical first step into the world of work, for university students who had realised that the world of academia was not where they wanted to spend the rest of their lives.
In addition to being an excellent companion to the Oxford Dictionary in getting to the bottom of words, `Webster’s´, as we called it, spurred my interest in the origin of words and the evolution of languages. This interest is as vibrant today as it was all those years ago.
The G. & C. Merriam Co., founded in 1831, renamed merriam-Webster Inc. in 1982 – which is located in Springfield, Massachusetts, – acquired the rights to Noah Webster’s `An American Dictionary of the English Language´ after his death in 1843. A further update, Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, was published in 1961.
I consulted the online version of this dictionary earlier this week while preparing to write this piece on the term `Sober Oasis´, the name of my new coaching business.
On looking up `sober´, in addition to the more obvious meaning of `not being intoxicated´, a second definition is listed, namely; `based on sound reasoning or information´ as in `a sober assessment of the situation´.
Synonyms for sober are listed as follows: clearheaded, common-sense, common-sensible, firm, good, hard, informed, just, justified, level-headed, logical, rational, reasonable, reasoned, sensible, straight, solid, valid, and well-founded.
Webster´s gives us two definition of oasis, as follows; `A fertile or green area in an arid region (such as a desert)´ and `Something that provides refuge, relief, or pleasant contrast´, as in `the small park is a welcome oasis amid the city’s many factories´. The roots go back to an Egyptian term wḥꜢ.t with the meaning; `fertile area in the desert´.
So what, therefore, is my vision of a Sober Oasis?
A talk given by one of my favourite contemporary teachers, Eckhart Tolle, comes to mind. In it, he postulates that the world has gone mad and tells us that `if we have any doubts about this, simply open a newspaper or turn on the TV´.
Indeed, with societal pressures, the ever deeper proliferation of technology, and around-the-clock blanket media coverage, the world does appear to be getting even more frenetic as we proceed into this new millennium. This makes it even more essential that we have `spaces of tranquility´ for reflection, gathering ourselves, recharging our batteries and tuning into our deepest selves. Paradoxically, the more frantic the pace, the more we need such rest and contemplation.
This Sober Oasis is just such a space. It should be regarded as an `open space´, available to any fellow travellers wishing to tackle specific challenges or merely those who care to stop by and rest their weary bones for a while, in search of inspiration and invigoration. Having had the experience of losing, and thankfully re-discovering, my way on life’s journey, I know how important it is to reflect, to practice self-care and to have a working inner compass which I can consult each day to inform my decisions and review my actions.
In his 1997 seminal work `Anam Cara´, the Irish writer John O’Donohue wrote a section entitled: `One of the greatest sins is the unlived life´. In this section, he went on to reflect that `many of the things that hold (us) back from inhabiting our destiny are false. These are only images in our minds. They are not real barriers at all. We should never allow our fears or the expectation of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. We are so privileged to still have time……´
He continues: `The shape of each soul is different. There is a secret destiny for each person. When you endeavour to repeat what others have done or force yourself into a preset mould, you betray your individuality. We need to return to the solitude within, to find again the dream that lies at the hearth of the soul. If you allow your nature to come alive, everything will come into rhythm. If you live the life you love, you will receive shelter and blessings…..´
At this Sober Oasis we can `return to the solitude within´, to rediscover the compass which may have been mislaid in the topsy-turvy of our demanding lives.
The `sober´aspect is the rootedness in reality. The words listed by Webster’s as relating to sober include; actual, real, true, certain, sure, certified, validated, verified, confirmed, corroborated, substantiated, cogent, convincing, colourable, credible, and plausible.
Being a person of vibrant imagination, I am never short of ideas, many of which, on closer examination, turn out to be pretty preposterous. Like everyone, I have my blind spots and old beliefs which may no longer be serving me at this point in time. My life has been blessed with a string of teachers and mentors who, provided I was prepared to listen, have given me invaluable, down-to-earth feedback without which I would have found myself in peril more often than I care to think. I am intuitively drawn to these people, guided more by how they live than the words they say. With that credibility, I generally find their feedback both plausible and convincing. I know deep down that they have my best interests at heart, that they are not following a hidden agenda, and that their lives are rooted in the humility which keeps denial and hubris at bay. Above all, they are good listeners. In my interactions with them, I feel the ease which comes with being seen and accepted for who I am, without judgement or a perceived need to change me, even for my `betterment´. These are the sober relationships in my life. They are by no means dull; laughter and merriment generally abound. The terms `sober´and `sombre´sometimes get confused!
As an experienced entrepeneur with a creative mind and my feet placed firmly on the ground, my coaching provides a sounding board for my clients as they work through their issues. Indeed, we often provide this essential service to each other in small group settings. The richness we discover, in the mutual acknowledgement of both our innate perfection and our human imperfection, is that, while we are all different, – in the sense of `unique´ – , we are all subject to the experiences and universal laws of life. By focussing on what we have in common and honouring the generic unfolding of the process of living, we turn `longing´ into `belonging´, fostering the deep sense of community, so dearly missed by many of us in our daily lives.
Sober Oasis is envisaged as a forum, as the hub of a community of people striving for improvement, individually and collectively, learning from and teaching each other as we shape lives we love to lead.
May our Sober Oasis be true to its name.
