Surrender

Definition of `surrender´ – To yield to the power, control, or possession of another…. to give up completely or agree to forego, especially in favour of another. `Surrender implies giving up after a struggle to retain or resist: From `suz´ under + `rendre´ to give back.´
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

`Now we began to confront the paradox that surrender to the impossibility of control is the beginning of recovery….. We were powerless over an addictive pattern, of which any current, specific example was just the most recent example.´
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, First Edition

The following story came to me from the Sufi tradition. There was a weaver of traditional rugs in ancient Persia. He was famous far beyond the borders of that kingdom. Wealthy merchants came from far and wide to view and, for those who could afford such intricate works, buy his celebrated wares.

One day, news came that the Sultan himself was already on his way to visit, with a view to personally purchasing some rugs for the palace he had just completed for his newly-wed bride. The rug weaver was both honoured and agitated, as he was both genuinely humble and of a somewhat nervous disposition. For the next two days, the showrooms were meticulously prepared and the finest of rugs taken out of storage to be displayed in ascending sequence of size and value. Being a consummate salesman, the weaver had a certain pitch in mind, which involved a tour of his various rooms, culminating in a presentation of the most glorious, intricate and valuable carpet he had ever produced.

In the early morning on the appointed day of arrival, the Sultan’s caravan approached from the east, its flags illuminated by the rising sun. Upon arrival, the distinguished visitors were cordially greeted and fresh peppermint tea served. After some informal small talk, the Sultan, a friendly, if somewhat gruff figure with a warm smile framed by a thick grey beard, asked to be taken to see the weaver’s wares. Thus the tour began. Many carpets were inspected, prices negotiated and instructions given by the monarch to members of his entourage as to whether or not they should be prepared for transport and, if so, how. The sweltering heat outside was only partly offset by the architecture of the building, with its dense brickwork, inner courtyards and cooling fountains. The weaver had already worked up a bit of a sweat by the time they arrived at the ultimate stage of the tour; the final room, where he wished to make the sale of his lifetime.

The large rectangular room of 25 ft. by 20 ft. was a worthy frame for this amazing work of art. The Sultan, intrigued and smitten by the beauty at his feet, began to ask about the various motifs and their respective meanings. Now this was the realm in which the weaver excelled and he enthralled his listeners with tales of heroism, love, and romance from the rich mythology of those desert lands.

While in full flow, he noticed, with consternation, a slight bump in the carpet at the end which was not presently the focus of his guests’ attention. Without breaking the stride of his description, he moved backwards and smoothed out the bump. He continued his explanations, moving along the surface of the carpet from one dazzling element to the next. For a second time a bump appeared, this time at the further end and, once again, he did his best to approach it as inconspicuously as possible and to smooth out the bump with his foot, behind his back, while continuing to keep his guests focused on the motifs at the other end. This happened one more time and the weaver, again able to deal with the his annoyance without missing a beat, was almost the end of his tether when, at last, the Sultan proclaimed with a broad smile that this was the only carpet in the land sufficiently grand to adorn the living room of his beautiful new home. The deal was struck, gold crowns changed hands, instructions for transport issued, and the party quickly mounted their waiting camels to embark on the long journey home.

The weaver, breathing a deep sigh of relief while wiping the sweat from his brow, returned, now alone, to his premium showroom. While congratulating himself on his skill in dealing successfully with the potential disruption of the mysterious bumps, he spotted one more, this time in the top left-hand corner, near the edge. Feeling exuberantly liberated in his silent solitude, he now gently lifted the carpet whereupon, to his surprise, a small serpent emerged and slithered its way quickly out the door.

This parable of the manifestation of the addictive pattern hits the nail on the head. Sometimes the bumps are obvious, as in the case of the alcoholic who reaches a point where life with alcohol is unmanageable, and without unimaginable. Or the workaholic who is finally debilitated by his heart condition and is laid up for long periods. Other manifestations, e.g. those revolving around control patterns in thought and deed, are more subtle and therefore more difficult to identify, yet can be equally devastating to our peace of mind. What is true in all cases is, that if we don’t take the trouble of lifting the carpet to see and deal with what lurks in the dark underneath, the problem will resurface, sooner or later, in another guise.

The act of confronting the cause of the mysterious bumps, which in itself can happen only in the presence of grace, will inevitably bring us to the topic of surrender.

All addictive patterns have in common the issue of control; the obsession with establishing, retaining, and losing control. The drinker steps into the pub `for one´ on the way home and finds herself still at the bar at midnight, the family at home long forgotten. The workaholic swears that he will move down a few gears after the current project is handed over, only to wonder, years later, what happened to such resolutions. What is required is the surrender to the impossibility of control. This is a bitter pill to swallow for anybody brought up to `get a grip´ on life and, when things get difficult, to `pull yourself up by your boot straps´.

Yet surrender we must. Only by identifying, embracing and accepting my own powerlessness can I begin to tap into a Power which will guide and carry me through the inevitable challenges that life has in store. When I avail of the grace  – a free gift of divine origin – of this Power, however this power may look or feel in my imagination, I receive the gift of serenity as I navigate seas rough and smooth, with their trials, tribulations, comfort, and peace.

We must give up after the long struggle to retain or resist; the struggle to experience a changed life without having the willingness to change, and the resistance towards admitting utter defeat.

Surrender is very different to resignation, which would be more along the lines of stating that `there is nothing to be done about these bumps. I seem to be hexed, which is yet further proof that life is extremely unfair, especially to me.´ Note that this is a completely egocentric approach, and, as such, is just a further bump in the carpet.

In contrast, surrender is a matter of letting go; of taking my ego `self´ out of the way of my progress and inviting the `Self´ to re-emerge from the deep within, where it had once fallen out of sight.

`By grace I live. By grace I am released.´
`By grace I give. By grace I will release.´

A Course In Miracles, Lesson 169