`Too big for one’s boots´: Behaving as if you are more important than you really are.
Definition, Collins Online Dictionary
When natural inclination develops into a passionate desire, one advances towards his goal in seven-league boots.
Nikola Tesla
This head has risen above its hair in a moment of abandon known only to men who have drawn their feet out of their boots to walk awhile in the corridors of the mind.
Djuna Barnes
`Paddy, you’re too big for your boots!´
Funny how statements, presumably often heard in childhood, rise to the surface of our psyches once again, even after decades.
When, in January 2022, we started out on the 18-month training course as Coaches intending to compliment our suite of resources using the PQ Mental Fitness Training framework, we were invited to participate in two separate streams of training. These were: Positive Intelligence (PQ), Concepts and Practice; and Business Development.
We were told that, as we established our new business, or expanded an existing one, the business development challenge would activate many of the Saboteurs that originated in the very early years of our lives. These would do anything and everything in their attempts to hold us back from breaking new ground and reaching our full potential. This was, paradoxically, good news, since we could turn the experience into the gift and opportunity of learning to engage with the Saboteurs (e.g., Judge, Controller, Victim, Hyper Rational, etc.) in a new way, ultimately leading to increased mental fitness. The willingness to entertain the possibility of there being a gift in every situation is referred to as the Sage Perspective.
The general concept of PQ is that we have two sources of fuel for our thinking: the fear-induced voices, – Saboteurs, – which keep us from ever reaching our true potential, and the potential-affirming voices, – Sage Powers – , such as Empathy, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate, that will lead us to fulfilment of our life purpose and, ultimately, to true happiness.
Most of us emerge from childhood with the Saboteurs, which reside in the Left Brain, firmly in the driving seat, whip in hand, channeling our incessant mind chatter like Ben Hur in the Circus Maximus. Over time this `stinking thinking´ of the Saboteurs leads to a deterioration of our vitality, our resilience, our relationships, our physical and emotional well-being, and that of those with whom we engage. Stress-induced burnout, so prevalent in today’s world, is a typical example of where this dynamic often takes us.
The Inner Critic (Judge) is never satisfied, always chanting the mantra: `I will be happy, when…..´ and that `when´ never comes, of course. The Controller never gives up on trying to dictate the winds rather than allowing us to develop the capacity to surf, and trust, the waves. The Victim keeps telling us that we are truly alone in our predicament, that the cards of fate are stacked against us such that pity appears to be the best alternative to the real love for which we yearn and we believe is beyond our reach.
It was revealing, therefore, to hear these long-forgotten words – You’re too big for your boots – bubbling up to the surface in my daydreams and those of my nocturnal slumber, several times in recent months. They seem to have been consigned to depths of my memory beyond recall. Perhaps that was for the best since, when I began to investigate, the emotional backdraught of the Inner Child’s experience, the pain almost swept me off my feet.
What I found was a sensitive, gifted, and visionary child, full of wonder, sharing freely his passion and enthusiasm, only to be brutally, probably unintentionally, rebuffed by his carers. It was not the rebuffing, in itself, that hurt most, but rather the resulting impressions formed in his own mind, along the lines of: `They don’t believe in me! They can’t endure me. I am a burden. I’m going to have to figure this out all alone´ This, at a stage of development when children need, above all, to be seen and embraced for who they are, without judgement or criticism.
That’s where the wound was to be found.
Further contemplation brought some more words to the surface, words I recognised for that distant past: obstreperous – engaging in or marked by loud and insistent cries especially of protest; recalcitrant – obstinately defiant of authority or restraint; insubordinate – disobedient to authority; and facetious, – given to or marked by mature intelligent humour. These terms, and more, belonged to the arsenal of my adult carers, who were clearly oftentimes overwhelmed, and they were frequently deployed. They point towards immense childhood adversity on my part.
On hearing these words today, the vibrations of a noisy, muddled, frightening, and baffling household of twelve, with parents themselves stretched to, and sometimes beyond, their limits, present themselves tangibly in my body. My shoulders tense up, my palms become sweaty, and my breathing becomes erratic and shallow.
Without the need for blaming, or accumulating more circumstantial evidence, the healing work can now begin. By practicing the Mind Control exercises of PQ, we can switch to the Sage Powers, resident in the Right Brain, and ask which of the following six resources, alone or in combination, can best be applied: the Sage Perspective (finding the gift and opportunity in any situation or circumstance), Empathise, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, or Activate.
In essence, PQ is simple. It requires the training of only three muscles: The Saboteur Interceptor, the Mind Command Muscle, and the Sage Enhancer. The simplicity of the framework and its provision of a practical suite of tools, by means of the PQ App, for daily practice, set it apart from the endless approaches now on offer in the teeming global marketplace of Life Coaching, be it for professional of personal development.
Like anyone who is breaking new ground, – in this case starting a business, – I am challenged by setbacks and things not turning out the way I had envisaged. My Saboteurs would have me look for the remedy out there. I could conclude that the world does not deserve what I have to offer. This stance of spiritual arrogance would simply feed into the destructive energy of the Saboteurs, turning me into a bitter, grumpy old man.
Or the temptation would be to simply push harder, to do more of the same in terms of Marketing Communications, Social Media Presence, and Networking. This might not be a bad approach, but it will have no tangible impact, in and of itself, until the inner work has been addressed; until that old wound has been identified, owned, and accepted without resentment, and treatment commenced. Like the snake shedding its skin, or the flower bursting into blossom, this process may include the pain of relinquishing, or even destroying, the old, the familiar. I need to have the willingness to experience and transcend that pain.
Then the healing can begin, in recognition of the fact that the person now solely responsible for the healing of the wounds of the Inner Child is the adult Patrick.
Mental Fitness helps me establish and consolidate this approach. Occasions of being knocked off kilter have become rare, and, when this does happen, the recovery time is now much shorter. In choosing the practice of Mental Fitness as my course of action, I am offering myself as a role model to my clients. That is not my main motivation, however. I choose this course because it really works for me!
In a recent discussion with an acquaintance whose command of English is not great, her response, which demonstrated that she had not understood the idiom, was great. She said: `Well, you need new boots!´ Acquiring new boots that fit my true Self: that is another way of describing the outcome of developing and cultivating Mental Fitness.
