Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.
Thich Nhat HanhGod, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Serenity Prayer
We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.
Marianne Williamson
My daily practice of PQ (Positive Intelligence) Mental Fitness comprises four brief exercises spread out throughout each day, with an option to engage in extra, longer sessions as desired and practicable. This steady feed of exercises, which is automated on the PQ App, fosters the training of the three mental muscles which eventually culminates in achieving and maintaining a high degree of mental fitness.
The Saboteur Interceptor helps me identify the fact that my Saboteurs, – those self-defeating voices in the mind with which we are all familiar, – are on the march, and to take the wind out of their sails by debunking their lies. For example, my Controller would have me believe that `I am either in full control or out of control´, ignoring the many shades of grey between these black and white opposites. Click here (free Saboteur Assessment, Discover Your Saboteurs) for more about the Saboteurs and to get to know your unique profile. You will receive the results of this brief test directly from the PQ website by return email, with corresponding information and descriptions of the individual Saboteurs.
On the other hand, the Sage Enhancer enables me to engage in the powers of Empathize, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate while reposing in the Sage Perspective which states that `every circumstance, no matter how `bad´ it may appear, bears gifts and opportunities´.
Thirdly, the Mind Command muscle enables me to switch from Saboteur to Sage, ideally in real time. Saboteur hijacking, – generally characterized by anger outbursts, resentment, shame, fear, etc., – once very common in my life, will become an increasingly rare event. When it does happen that the Saboteurs succeed in hijacking me (they do!), the time required to recover and regain mental balance steadily reduces. This increase in resilience grows in proportion to my general level of Mental Fitness.
The process is like that of physical fitness. If we don’t keep going, we fall back. Most people who successfully engage in a physical fitness regime do so eagerly, regularly, and for life. This is because they experience the benefits firsthand and wish to continue availing of them.
Each day’s feed on the PQ App begins with a short `Focus of the Day´, drawn from the insights and concepts of PQ as set out by Shirzad Chamine in his book `Positive Intelligence´. The focus one day last week really resonated with me and has prompted me to write this piece. Putting the ideas contained therein into practice has helped me regain a relaxed attitude in the face of everyday challenges, – financial, social, emotional, – challenges we all inevitably experience at one time or another.
The focus ran as follows: Today’s focus is to make friends with life and that of course takes some explaining, doesn’t it? When you think about it, you’re constantly fighting with life. What do I mean by that? You have your plans and your wishes and very often things don’t go according to your plans and wishes. You get unlucky, you fail, others don’t come through as you had hoped, the opportunity window closes, and so on.
Now let’s be honest, how do you respond when that happens? You probably get upset. You get upset at these things outside your control that life imposes on you. In other words, you fight life a lot. You’re not good friends with life……
Picture life as a friend who is constantly throwing you boxes of gifts. Knowing that it’s a friend throwing new gifts, you focus on catching the gift boxes, opening the boxes, and discovering the gifts with delight and gratitude.
But if you assume life as hostile, you’ll always feel exhausted trying to dodge all these boxes thrown at you, some of them even hitting you and hurting you. No gift, just dodging or fighting the many problems caused by life’s unexpected or unwanted turns and events.
So today, consciously make better friends with life. When things don’t go your way, don’t get upset. Catch the gift box, open it, find the gift, thank life as your good and constant friend. The better you treat this friend, the better it will treat you…
On hearing this and contemplating for a while, I realized that, in recent months, I had taken up a stance of resistance to life because things had not been working out as originally envisaged. It seemed that every move of mine was being counter-acted by an invisible opponent who was simply trying to make things as difficult as possible. That, of course, was my Victim Saboteur. My reaction was to strive even harder towards achieving the desired outcome, with fear and anxiety gradually rising. This tunnel vision led to the exclusion of all other possible outcomes, even those I had not yet imagined. This is like physical cramp when we overtax our body. It is mental cramp.
Another result of my stance was suffering. While pain is an inherent component of life, – people come and go, hearts get broken, fortunes rise and fall, health issues arise requiring recovery, – suffering is entirely voluntary. It arises when I take this stance of resistance to `what is´. This had led to an increase in stress, irritability, anger, and exhaustion. In such a state, it is very difficult to `stop and smell the roses´, to feel the joy of the many wonderful things each day brings, if only we could see them.
Another exercise found the PQ Training repertoire, – writing a daily `Gratitude List´, – helps too. It sharpens my vision for the many miracles we can encounter on any given day; the birdsong at sunrise, the smile on a face, the fragrances of flowers, the crash of a wave, an uplifting conversation, a beautiful melody, etc.
The neuroscience behind this is that entitlement and gratitude cannot be active at one and the same time. The same is true of entitlement and service, so it is good for me to incorporate some form of service (with no strings attached) into each new day.
This Focus of the Day really did help me reset. I now trust that there is a reason why life is unfolding as it is, even though these reasons remain in the realm of the unseen. I surrender to the process, accepting the things I cannot change, and bringing my courage to bear on the things I can, repeating this realignment with each new day.
Life does run more smoothly when it is befriended. This `befriending´ rests on my capacity to trust; to trust that, as has been the case throughout my life, the Universe, Gaia, the Creator, call it what you will, will take good care of me as long as I step up to my role as co-creator, i.e., in doing the requisite footwork to keep things moving forward.
Trust has always been a major issue for me. Childhood adversity resulted in mine being severely damaged. I can now review this phase of my life with empathy for all involved; those who cared for me, myself, and my siblings. Today, I am the only person who can give the Inner Child what he needs in order to be able to fully trust life again. This is now my responsibility, my response to life.
Fighting life is like driving with the handbrake on. When life is befriended, enormous amounts of energy are released. This energy can then be invested in creative pursuits, in service, in improving performance, and in the discernment referred to in the final line of the Serenity Prayer. Despite extensive practice in this domain over the years, it remains a daily challenge. With life as my friend, it becomes a joyful challenge, one day at a time.
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