Unlearning
When I thought I was heading to the most densely populated central quarter of town, I could feel the energy of the city ebb away into the calm of the countryside, beyond the countless improvised homes of the peri-urban belt. Then, in a moment of clarity, the riddle solved itself. Of course! I had, as always, been working on the premise that the sun was in the south. Not here! Roughly 2,500 km south of the equator, the sun appears to be in the north. This was the first of many lessons in unlearning which came my way during my African adventure…
State of Grace
When the guided meditation concluded, we all slowly “came back”, stretching limbs in all directions and blinking our eyes to re-adapted to the artificial room lighting. There were many smiles to be seen on the faces of the small group which had thus gathered in our corner. After a period of silence, a conversation slowly began to unfold on what we had just experienced. We quickly began to explore such topics as connection and alienation. Why is it that, during deep meditation, some of us find our bliss tempered by sadness, even grief. And what about the high degree of sensitivity that some of us manifest? Is high sensitivity simply more than a somatic or emotional manifestation? Is it not primarily spiritual sensitivity?
Redemption
That is what the Twelve Steps are all about: a shift in perspective. Before we begin the journey of recovery, we are caught firmly in a trap that we cannot spring through self-sufficiency or mere egoic willpower (ergo the need for a “Higher Power” of our own understanding). We also suffer from a chronic perception disorder because of having lived so long in chaos, overwhelmed mode, denial, delusion, and the suppression of all the emotions we could not process or endure during the first, formative years of our lives. As traumatised adult children, we see the world as we are, not as it is..
Change Paradox
The caterpillar does not engage in a coercive attempt to change herself into a butterfly. She is wholly at one in her caterpillar existence. Without this self-acceptance of “what is”, the organic transformation cannot take place. How do we get to such a point of growth and development? The first step is to quit running away from our version of “what is”. Our society stimulates us to be on the run, around the clock. Addictions, both substance-related and behavioural, are the grease that keeps the wheels of our modern global consumer society moving. As long as we buy into the lie: “I’ll be happy when…” we will be tilting at windmills like our old friend Don Quixote…
Violence
Down on all fours, searching in vain, he hears the voice of a policeman who has happened upon the scene.
„Good evening, Sir. How can I help you?“
„Thank you, Constable. I have lost my keys.“
So, the policeman also gets down on all fours, pulls a flash light from his pocket and joins the search. After ten minutes, they both stand up, perplexed and disheartened.
„Are you sure you dropped them here, Sir?“, asks the policemen.
„Oh no,“ says the man. „I dropped them in that dark side street across the road over there.“
„Well, why in heaven’s name then are you searching here?“
„Because it is bright here, in the lamplight,“ was his laconic answer…
Generational Grief
My new friends in AA suggested placing my focus on what was needed in terms of new behaviours in the light of this discovery. The first, of course, was not to take the first drink. Much more was to come later, in the form of a new design for living as described in the Big Book of AA and summarised in the Twelve Steps. That work is still ongoing today, one day at a time. I also had a bizarre hunch in those first months, one that has been recently confirmed in my heart and soul, without solid external evidence: That I am the grandchild of one or more alcoholics.
Family Matters
From the child’s perspective we could apply the Zen proverb: `We never step into the same river twice.´ It is not the parent, per say, that determines the experience, but the relationship between the child, at any given moment, and the parenting at that same moment. Each interaction between a parent and any one child is a reprise of stepping into new waters, and for each parent-sibling combination there is a different river. In the overall picture, my impression is that our parents always acted with the best of intentions. Like all human beings they had their good days and bad, and sometimes their actions were determined by inner Saboteurs of which they had little awareness…
Splendid Torch
In a recent conversation, a newly made acquaintance asked what I did for a living. The answer was Transformation Coaching, for people who have lost their way in life.
“In what way?”
“It is different in each individual case.”
“What brought you to this field of work?”
“I lost my way.”
“What did that look like?”
“The immediate manifestation was substance addiction.”
“So, you’re an alcoholic?”
“Yes, thankfully now in recovery….”
It was a refreshing conversation, especially considering it took place in the frenzied energy field of one of Cologne’s best known rave clubs at three o clock in the morning…
Weariness
In the neglect arising from the absence of the caregiver attuned to our needs we soon learn to take care of our own needs. We become the children who are often admired for our maturity beyond our years, a target of warm praise from our caregivers, our teachers, and later, our bosses. We are the hyper-independent self starters everyone wants on their team because we require little or no supervision. We learn to become the compliant partner in relationships or flip to the other extreme of trying to dominate them…
Isolation
Taking the bird’s-eye perspective, this would explain how we, as a species, have arrived at the point of jeopardising life on the planet through our self-centred actions. Were we truly connected (to ourselves, each other, and Creation), we would not, as a result of focusing on short-term material gains, drive other species to extinction, abuse billions of animals so cruelly to uphold unsustainable, outdated nutrition practices, and violate our nest through the proliferation of toxins in agriculture and industrial activities, as we are doing today…
