Daring To Love
Without uncovering, subsequently befriending, and tending this wound – the Greek word is trauma – we will be hampered in all subsequent efforts to establish intimacy in human relations. Because when we open our hearts completely, we are stepping into the unknown and giving another person access to the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. There is always a chance of getting hurt, rejected, ridiculed, humiliated, of being misunderstood, or abandoned, once again…
Compassion
One further point is important in this respect. This is the danger of premature or simply rational forgiveness. This is `pseudo forgiveness´, a form of spiritual bypassing. It occurs when we return to the past, to attend inner wounds, this time not shielded by intoxication but by our still intact invulnerability. We thus protect ourselves from truly remembering and re-feeling the original pain. Instead of healing the old wounds, this approach simply masks them, thereby exacting a high price.
Coaching
As a coach, I can ask myself how my saboteurs prevent me from being a true coach and cause me to tell, direct, or advise in many situations where coaching would be more beneficial and effective. It is also true that when the coach is caught up in Saboteur energies, these will spill over to the client, with detrimental effect. This is called saboteur contagion. Sage contagion is the preferable option…
Primal Wounds
The reactivation of the wound can be best described using the following analogy: If, upon meeting a person, we firmly shake hands, and one or both of us has a tender, open wound in our palm, the encounter will be painful. The pain is not intentionally stimulated; it is a by-product of the encounter combined with a lack of awareness. It is not caused, per se, by the encounter; the cause lies in the fact that the already existing wound in the palm of the hand has not yet healed. Until it has, each new encounter will be painful…
Sun
The dilemma is made up of two parts. Firstly, we have a mind that needs to drink and a body that can’t. Secondly, when we start drinking, we can’t stop, and when we stop, we can’t stay stopped. It’s a real Catch 22. We are caught up in what medical folks today call an `impulse control disorder´. We cannot think our way out of it, nor can the trap be sprung using willpower alone. As Einstein pointed out, the consciousness that created the problem cannot be consciousness that solves the problem. We need to go higher – in terms of frequency, – ergo `Higher Power´…
White Horse
We have inherited many patterns from our primitive ancestors, who, to survive, needed to be constantly on guard, for example when leaves rustled in the jungle. The reptilian part of our brain, that part which is concerned with survival and therefore fuelled by existential fear, can still be very much active today. In our energy fields, we also carry the collective fears and wounds (trauma) of our ancestors, the innumerable generations who have gone before us. As Richard Rohr points out: There are only two possibilities, transfer or transform. Due to a lack of awareness, the general pattern has been that of transferring the burden from one generation to the next, even adding to it as we progress…
Deep Roots
Most of us have not had a perfect childhood, with a mother and father who modelled ideal parental attitudes and taught us to the basics of self-love. Our parents did not have such modelling themselves and so had to improvise as they went along. In my case, both had come from very large families where the stresses and tensions of unresolved childhood trauma pervaded the familial energy field. My impression, formed very early on, was that I had arrived as an added burden, that it was essential not to compound the already existing load my parents were carrying…
Connection
The Merriam definition of the word connection: a relation of personal intimacy, is useful in this respect. If we break intimacy into the four syllables in-to-me-see, we recognise the challenges presented here. Not having felt safe in our childhood environment sets us up for not allowing others see us as we truly are. Vulnerability still appears to be too great a risk. This was certainly my experience. Instead, we protect ourselves with thick layers of armour. These not only impinge upon our connection with others; they prevent us from having a healthy connection with ourselves…
In Transition
This suspended animation may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger since the earliest days of childhood. In some ways, these feelings have protected us from the deeper, underlying pain of abandonment. As the lesser of two evils, they served an important purpose and may now have become comfortably familiar. They have protected us from the process of grieving our deepest wounds. There is, however, no short cut through the topography of grieving, no easier softer way. It needs to be traversed with conscious awareness, step by step, the path leading through the portal of true recovery. With empathy for self, others, and circumstances we can get there…
Sober Living with PQ
At SoberOasis, I provide on-going guidance, mental fitness training, practical assistance, and encouragement, as you initiate or reboot your recovery or build the bridge between formal treatment for addiction and the challenges of re-integration into everyday life. Successful transformation processes comprise 20% insights and 80% practice. In recognition of this, we immediately establish an App-supported Mental Fitness practice over an initial period of 8 weeks. This forms the foundation on which further inner work and a life of sustained sobriety is built, free from alcohol, other toxic substances, and/or process addictions…
