Fellowship
For me, the key question is what impact these achievements have had on our happiness. Are we as happy or even more happy than our predecessors? I have my doubts. Rather than get into a competitive debate about today and the `good old days´, my interest revolves around one important question: In a world which values freedom above all other human characteristics, are we really free?
God
Basic elements of reality which we, through our culture, collectively attempt to deny include the facts that we are all going to die, that everything is impermanent, that we have no control over much of what occurs in life, and that there is, beyond what we recognise we do not know, a vast amount of knowledge of which we are not aware that we do not know. We are blind to our own blind spots…
Fawning
Fawning is an unconscious attempt to manipulate the reaction of others to ward off danger and maintain connection in an unsafe environment or relationship. This behavioural pattern can become habituated, appearing like personality, without us ever being aware of its traumatic origins. The term fawning was coined by Pete Walker, a psychotherapist who specializes in complex trauma (synonymous with developmental, relational or childhood trauma). Walker saw fawning as the “Fourth F” of trauma reflexes: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. It is particularly common among people who have had, or are experiencing, long-term, developmental trauma…
Courage
Worrying about what others think of us leads to a constrained life where actions are taken not for personal satisfaction but for external validation. It is we, ourselves, who engineer the role of becoming a puppet on a string, even without the participation or even the knowledge of those who are ostensibly `pulling our strings´…
Waking Up
I cannot remember a period prior to incessant rumination about who I was going to be when I grew up. In retrospect, under ideal circumstances this question would never have arisen. I would have been secure in simply being me. That would have been the sturdy foundation for further healthy growth and development. In the absence of such a foundation, we develop neurotic tendencies and come to believe in the reality of our idealized self. The false self lures us into the belief that it is the only true self. We have been hypnotized, have fallen asleep…
Expectations
The rules of this playbook are tacitly constructed, implied, and enforced (at least we try). No conscious communication has taken place, and nothing has been mutually agreed. Now, imagine that each member of the family is playing the same game, unbeknownst to themselves and the other parties involved, and you have a recipe for a quintessentially dysfunctional home…
Big Mind
Recovery is about moving from illusion to truth. We acquire the insights and tools required to escape the bondage of constant anxiety and fear. Now it is clear that, while I have my feelings, I am not my feelings. That is a great leap forward indeed. It is not the full story, however, as beautifully elaborated by Stephen and Ondrea Levine in their inspiring book on cultivating Spirit in relationships, `Embracing The Beloved´…
Inner Guidance
What else would you do with a child who was clearly overwhelmed?´ I asked myself. Empathise, – put myself in his shoes. The origin of the term despondency points to some solemn promise having been broken, – the promise perhaps of protection, nurturing, and trust. I would act in a manner that seeks to protect, provides nurturing, and aims to rebuild trust. That means being fully present, free of judgement…
Two Brains
We cannot think our way across the divide. It takes practice, practice, and more practice, which will gradually lead to mental fitness and inner strength. To achieve Mental Fitness through PQ, we need to train three mental muscles throughout each day. The first is the Saboteur Interceptor….
Magic Thinking
The second verse (There’s a killer on the road….), when interpreted as a description of the addictive dynamic (`suicide by instalments’), sends shivers down my spine. The killer is killing himself and he knows this. The brain is squirming like a toad (this is a great metaphor for `stinking thinking´)…
