Defences
It has become clear to me, over time, that most of my anger comes, primarily, from a place of deep sadness. Sadness at the loss of what might have been, what I feel could or perhaps should have been. The premature loss of innocence, the brutally truncated childhood, and unfortunate catapulting into preposterous responsibilities that nobody should be forced to bear at such a tender age. As long as we are incapable or unwilling to grieve these losses, we will continue to overlook the resources that life offers us.
Silence
So, the deeper I get into the silence, the more I anticipate the eruption. Avoiding silence at all costs can appear very enticing. Such attempts can be maintained over decades, through busyness or other forms of addictive habits and compulsive behavioural patterns. At some point, however, we generally crash and burn. This turning point, in retrospect, is the moment of opportunity, an opportunity to stop running, to practice interoception and to choose – in self-actualization – another way of living. Every programme of self-actualization includes meditation, prayer, and contemplation, in some form or other…
Hiking
In the exuberance of youth, we had set out to change the world. Now, having reached midlife, we realise that the only person we can change is the one clad in our own skin, while recognising that that change, once manifested, may affect healing, growth, and development among those with whom we interact, one day at a time, if we are willing to share what we find…
Suicide
Not a year goes by now, without news of someone from my wider circle of friends or acquaintances struggling with life to the degree that they would consider what looks like an escape hatch, an easier softer way. Or indeed, the sad consummation of such plans. Every time this happens, I am devastated. The devastation comes from the mere inkling of the suffering the protagonist must have been going through when the decision was made and carried out. Such incidences also point clearly to our own vulnerability. If she or he could be pushed that far, could we be next?
Loyalty
The outward focus on people, places, and things – as the presumptive wellspring of the love and sense of belonging we so strongly yearn – this erroneous attitude is a major cause of subsequent suffering in later life. The process of recovery is primarily a process of inner work on self. We do not recover to change our parents, our partners, or the world. We recover to grow in awareness. We recover to develop a new pair of glasses through which we view the world more objectively. And we recover to establish and practice new behaviours. In short, we do the work of recovery that we might be changed…
Family System
In doing this work, we cannot dodge the old wounds and thus re-feeling the original pain. That is the difficult part. In exploring my family dynamics, it is important to acknowledge the loving kindness that pervaded my family of origin, in conjunction with the systemic dysfunction described below. Many precious gifts were created and shared through this kindness. Wounds are part and parcel of the human experience. It was not for lack of kindness that wounds were inflicted. It was, rather, lack of awareness…
Rheostat
This brings me to the rheostat. On emerging into adulthood, mine seemed to be missing. In recovery, we address such issues. Once we abstain from the cruder forms of emotional self-medication, we can begin to learn to self-regulate. My early years were undoubtedly overshadowed by what led to the panic attacks described above. Therapists have suggested it might have been a traumatic experience, physical, emotional, or spiritual, in my early years. The honest answer is that there is still no clear answer…
Gifted Child
Recent discoveries in neuroscience, especially regarding the plasticity of the brain, have provided the welcome reassurance that these default scripts can be modified and even overwritten, right though to old age, correcting the earlier erroneous assumptions that we were forever stuck with what formed in the first seven years…
Abundance
It is no wonder, then, that contrary to the initial intention, those of us affected become less and less vibrant over time, as if the life were being sucked out of us. Obsession supplants imagination, compulsion replaces creativity, fear displaces joy, connection makes way to alienation, and the `being´ in `human being´ begins to wither on the vine. Recovery becomes possible when we hit bottom, when we become so sick and tired of being sick and tired…
Inviolability
Many of us carry a bag of different lies around with us until we begin to take stock of our lives. We may, therefore, have two or three main Saboteurs which are the cause of most our problems. We each have a unique Saboteur profile. Just as it is necessary and beneficial to handle more overt losses by grieving in a healthy manner, – rather than avoiding, numbing, and dissociating – we learn in recovery to practice loving ways to grieve our childhood losses and the alienation of Self…
