When you do dance, I wish you a wave o’ the sea, that you might ever do nothing but that.
William Shakespeare
Let the world be as it is and learn to rock with the waves.
Joseph Campbell
Love is a wave flowing in the direction of bliss for all living things. It will carry you if you allow it to flow through you.
Marianne Williamson
If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If broken by an inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from the inside.
Jim Kwik
Memories keep bubbling up to the surface. Thirty years ago, when my children were toddlers, I imagined a tree house would be a great addition to our beautiful garden. As there was no tree of sufficient size to accommodate one, my idea was to construct it to the side of a large, robust wooden structure already in place, one that held two swings and provided support for hammocks which were strung between its sturdy posts and nearby trees, thereby creating a shaded area in which we could relax.
A passionate gardener, I am also an enthusiastic handyman, especially when it comes to the typical projects that augment the beauty and function of a fruit and vegetable garden. A pond had been created, a glass house erected, a composting area constructed, an inviting fireplace built, and dry walls, constructed with beautiful local rough, red Franconian sandstone, provided aesthetic and practical demarcation between the various zones in the garden. Now it was time for the `tree house´.
All went well in the initial phases of planning and construction. Working with various shapes and sizes of wooden planks which had accumulated as leftovers from previous projects, a foundation was established upon which the frame was placed. Pythagoras was called upon to calculate the length of the rafters of the 45-degree pitched roof, which was then fitted with laths to hold the local red `beaver-tailed´ clay tiles which I adore to this day. I had done the math and knew exactly how many tiles would be required to cover the roof of the 2m x 2m structure.
Off I went on the appointed Saturday to collect the tiles. Then came the surprise. They were very, very heavy. On reflection, I hadn’t factored in the weight at all. On my way home in the car weighed down as if it had been armour-plated, I sensed that the structure, as it stood, would surely crumble under the weight of its intended roof. A major replanning process would be needed, whereby the lower levels, especially the foundation and the supporting beams, would have to be greatly reinforced before the project could advance to its crowning glory. And so it turned out.
The humour of this situation was not lost on me. Whether due to a lack of thoroughness, an inclination towards `magic thinking´, a simple oversight, or a lack of appreciation for life unfolding on life’s terms – rather than mine – , I recognised the pattern from previous experiences, and completed the re-work graciously, with a sense of humour.
The hut seems to be the perfect metaphor for my situation today. After forty years working in leadership assignments in a variety of environments, my intuition told me in 2020 that my remaining working years should now be spent coaching and training younger leaders in how to step into their power, develop their full potential, and learn to `live the lives we love´.
As this has been the major theme of my own experience, – learning to align my activities and interests to deeply held values and vibrant passions, surmounting major obstacles, even losing hope and orientation at times along the way, – it appeared that the time had now arrived to `pass forward´ the guidance and support which has so generously been given me during my life. One of my main qualifications could be described as `having made almost every mistake that can be made´ along the way and `turning the respective experiences into gifts´.
Major components of my coaching include achieving full potential by achieving and cultivating mental fitness, the transition from the energies of the `boy´ archetypes (Divine Child, Precocious Child, Oedipal Child, and Hero) to that of the `man´ (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover) – I work predominantly, but not exclusively with middle-aged men – , and an array of resources to improve communication, develop leadership skills, and align organisational processes and structures with a strategy built upon a clearly-defined purpose.
Since the beginning of this year, my business plan had not been manifesting as I had originally envisaged and hoped. Making connections, achieving visibility in a crowded market, and cultivating enthusiasm among potential clients is proving to be a lot more laborious and drawn out than I had expected. I’ve been in that phase of sowing seeds for quite some time and am occasionally tempted to `pull up the radishes to see if they are growing´. In short, my `Trust in the Universe´ is being tested, precisely one of those key areas in which I support my clients when the rubber of the transformation process hits the road. How ironic! Or is it?
Last week, I wrote of my recent experience at a sweat lodge ceremony. The reverberations were to be felt for many days afterwards, and continue to infuse my energy field today. It was not only the experience of being carried in the `Womb of Mother Earth´, which was extremely uplifting and reassuring, but also revisiting a moment in my own mother’s womb, which was suffused with very different energies. I can’t be sure, of course, what exactly was going on at that time, my guidance coming purely from intuition rather than known facts.
Recent new psychological studies have spawned the term `Adverse Childhood Experiences´, or ACE for short. It has been clear since the early days of Freud, Adler, and Jung, that the earliest childhood years are formative, laying out a blueprint for the remainder of our lives. In the past three decades, much has been learned about how the early experiences had become anchored in our bodies on a cellular level and how old patterns of thinking and behaving can be released through mindfulness practices and physical-sense exercises.
The unanticipated down time in the early weeks of this year have turned out to be a boon, affording me the necessary space and time to focus on some old inner work issues which appear to be beckoning for attention. The empathy I bring to myself, others, and circumstances as this work proceeds is one of the main ingredients my clients also need as they embark on their own paths of transformation.
Recovery, in general, is not primarily about feeling better, but `getting better at feeling´. This can be a very discomforting experience, especially in the early phases when the learning curve is steep. The near state of panic during the recent sweat lodge ceremony, if it were to express itself in a statement, would say: `I can’t stand being (here), and need to be somewhere or someone else´.
Stealth being a key tool of the addiction dynamic, this `activator field´ of the `zoning out´ reflex often remains unrecognised. The reflex is so fast that we have opened the bottle, lit the joint, logged on to Tinder, thrown ourselves even more deeply into the hamster wheel of our work, engaged in the co-dependent drama of our relationships, etc. before we realise what is going on at the deeper level. Then, when the ensuing harm begins to manifest, as it surely must, we put all our focus on that, and never get to address the core issues of the causal agent: The perceived state of alienation.
I remember my first conscious encounter with this state, almost twenty years ago. Preparing to go to the sauna, I was in the locker room when I felt that ominous wave approaching. In real time, it became clear that one of those trigger moments was fast approaching. Having recently become familiar with the concept: `This, too shall pass´, I decided to risk allowing the wave to take its course. It broke over me, submerged me in its menacing waters which, at some point, began to subside, and then moved on.
On regaining clarity and realising that I had not been obliterated, I recognised the significance of this key milestone in my recovery. It was the first step of liberation from the fear of fear in which I had been living for so long. Alas, the waves keep coming, as they do on Ireland’s Atlantic seaboard. Each time they break over me and leave my essence unscathed, the fear loses a little more of its hold over me. My intensive daily PQ Mental Fitness training is certainly of great benefit to me in this existential challenge.
It appears that these waves are now in the process of cleansing the earliest of my adverse childhood experiences, thereby strengthening the foundations on which I stand. Perhaps this unanticipated inner dynamic is as essential a part of my qualification as a Transformation Coach as the excellent intensive twelve-month Advanced PQ Mental Fitness Trainer programme from which I will soon be graduating.
