Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor Frankl
Your mind is your best friend, but it is also your worst enemy. Positive Intelligence (PQ) measures the relative strength of these two modes of your mind. High Positive Intelligence means your mind acts as your friends far more than as your enemy. Low PQ is the reverse. PQ is therefore an indication of the control you have over your own mind and how well your mind acts in your best interests. It should be relatively easy to see how your level of Positive Intelligence determines how much of your true potential you can actually achieve.
Shirzad Chamine, Positive Intelligence
We are made-up of trillions of 50 trillion cells….. You have 50 trillion citizens under your skin. Your mind is the government. When you have negative things going on in your mind, the secretions from the brain are chemistry that do not support you. When you have very positive things going on in your mind, the chemistry is healthy chemistry.
Bruce Lipton, Know Thyself Podcast – 11 June 2024
Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message that “you’re not alone.”
Brené Brown
Introduction
At SoberOasis Transformation Coaching, I provide on-going guidance, mental fitness training, practical assistance, and encouragement, as you initiate or reboot your recovery or build the bridge between formal treatment for addiction and the challenges of re-integration into everyday life. Clients are typically highly motivated to move beyond the bondage of addiction, remain sober, steady the ship, to put new insights into practice. They replace chaos with harmony, and move from blind, impulsive reactivity to conscious responsibility in their everyday lives.
Successful transformation processes comprise 20% insights and 80% practice. In recognition of this, we immediately establish an App-supported Mental Fitness practice, expanding and maintaining this daily practice over an initial period of 8 weeks. This forms the foundation on which further inner work and a life of sustained sobriety is built, free from alcohol, other toxic substances, and/or process addictions.
Sobriety as Transformation
Breaking the grip of an addiction is not merely the act of refraining from the addictive substance or behaviour. There is a process of identifying, understanding, and healing the underlying emotional issues that drive us towards addictive behaviours in the first place.
The active addict is constantly hijacked by impulses. As Mental Fitness grows, the space between stimulus and response gradually expands. We train the mental muscles each day, just as we would train our physical bodies. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions become less reactive to hidden impulses and more responsive to our growing conscious awareness.
Once the fog of active addiction begins to lift, clients can begin to identify and work through the deep transformational inner work which beckons. This phase begins as soon as abstinence and baseline Mental Fitness have been achieved. Getting at the root of these underlying issues allows us to grow towards Emotional Sobriety which is then maintained and sustained with the help of life-long regular daily practice .
Vision
Living in long-term recovery has given me a passion for helping kindred spirits reach their full potential by liberating themselves from the bondage of addiction and transcending its underlying causes. I know, first hand, the powerful role increased Mental Fitness can play in this evolution. My approach is empathic, collaborative, and pragmatic; it draws upon my own lived experience of addiction & recovery and today’s best recovery practice, – tried and tested, evidence-based, innovative, and holistic.
Mission
My mission is to support clients in their personal transformation towards a healthy, more balanced, and peaceful life, much as the midwife supports the birthing process. This transformation is achieved by the client identifying and evaluating the relationship with addictive dynamics, untangling themselves from ingrained impulsive reactivity, addressing any unfinished business concerning trauma, growing in Mental Fitness, and establishing a daily practice designed to achieve Emotional Sobriety.
By tapping into our innate healing powers, we can establish a practice of self-care, develop new skills and coping mechanisms, foster resilience, access the power of community, imbue our lives with a purpose aligned with our deepest values, and thus achieve a greatly improved degree of ease and well-being.
Values
Leading by Example:My on-going personal transformation experience guides my coaching approach. I can support you in your unique process, providing a safe, fertile space for it to unfold. The activation of the immanent healing powers which reside in each and every one of us is the key to the success of this collaborative process.
Confidentiality & Trust: I uphold the highest standards of confidentiality to create a safe and trusting environment where clients feel secure in sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experience. Having myself gone through the hell of addiction and, more recently, the benefits of recovery, my approach to each client in one of loving-care and kinship, free of judgement, shame, and guilt.
Practice Makes Progress: Every successful transformation process comprises 20% insights underpinned by 80% practice. My approach is focussed on establishing a daily practice built upon a solid foundation of psycho-educational insights, the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Mental Fitness modality, and almost a century of shared experience in the global recovery movement.
Resilience: Sober living is a choice for life. As such it needs to become an integral part of our daily practice. A daily Mental Fitness regime reduces impulsivity over time and builds resilience. As a key component of learning to live the life we love, Mental Fitness helps us navigate challenges effectively and bounce back faster from life’s inevitable setbacks, when they occur.
The Recovery Process
The process of recovery can be divided into four phases:
- Active Addiction: Until we admit the `solution´ is a problem
- Recognising the problem & asking for help
- Establishing sustained, solid abstinence
- Growing in Emotional Sobriety
My coaching is tailored to your personal needs and current situation within this framework.
Phase 2 focusses on establishing trust, clearly identifying the challenges at hand, and establishing the confidence that these can be mastered. Activating empathy for self is critical in this phase. True recovery is made possible by fully accepting how we have arrived at this point, free of judgement and shame.
Phase 3 comprises practices which enable us to move forward without recourse to self-medication. We learn to walk our path without the crutches of zoning out and intoxication.
Phase 4 is about identifying and working through the hurdles which make it difficult to live life on life’s terms. We stop trying to control the weather and learn to master surfing the waves.
The thresholds between these phases can be especially challenging. Crossing into Phase 2 requires great courage and thus encouragement. On moving from Phase 2 to Phase 3, we must weave newly found insights into path-breaking, actionable practices and behaviours while holding ourselves (and each other) accountable for their on-going execution.
As we move from Phase 3 to Phase 4, we may experience the agony of seeing how awfully self-defeating our approach to life has been, but still find ourselves unable to get off the emotional merry-go-round. This is where we address the underlying issues of our emotional dependence on people or circumstances to supply us with prestige, comfort, security, and the like.
We commit to identifying and befriending old wounds, which need to be thoroughly addressed if we are to become the best possible version of ourselves. Increased levels of Mental Fitness contribute greatly to the success of this process.
SoberOasis Services
My services are available, either F2F or via video link, in a variety of scenarios. They are tailor-made to meet your personal needs by combining two or more of the following elements, and can be adjusted over time, as appropriate:
- Regular 90-minute Sober Coaching sessions
- Daily `safe sounding board´ check-in support
- Intensive (App-supported) PQ Mental Fitness Training
- Family Workshops
- Work Reintegration Workshops
- Live-in, 24/7 Sober Coaching (post residential rehab) for a limited period
Prices available on request. I am available to answer any questions you may have. You are welcome to book your free introductory session today!
Based on my extensive coaching expertise in personal and professional development and my real-life experience of addiction and subsequent sober living, I share my experience, insights, resources, and practice with those looking to establish and maintain a life free of toxic substances (alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, opioids, prescription medication, etc.) and/or compulsive behaviours (gambling, porn, work addiction, and the like).
Personal Experience, Credentials
I specialise in quickly helping clients shift to a point of neutrality with respect to impulsiveness, – i.e., abstaining from addictive behaviours -, and then moving forward to address the underlying issues which threaten to keep us stuck or pull us back into the vicious cycle of addiction, all the while gradually enhancing Mental Fitness.
After 26 years of drinking alcoholically, and engaging in other substance and process addictions, I began my recovery in 2003. Since this pivotal point on my journey, countless clients have benefitted from my coaching in their evolution towards ongoing recovery and sustained Emotional Sobriety.
Extensive training in applied kinesiology, participation in a wide array of therapy modalities, founding and operating a private psychosomatic clinic for trauma & addiction, and, most recently, becoming certified as a PQ (Positive Intelligence) Mental Fitness Trainer have all contributed to expanding the resources upon which I draw to design the coaching approach uniquely suited to your challenges and needs.
Over the twenty years of my recovery, I have also engaged in continuous professional development courses in Trauma Informed Practice and participated in podcasts and conventions on the topics of Addiction, Trauma, Recovery, Transformation, Emotional Sobriety, and Mental Fitness.
My daily spiritual practice encompasses mindfulness meditation, mental fitness practice, physical exercise, soul food, healthy nutrition, community engagement, creative expression, living in the Twelve Steps, and service.
My vocation to pass on to others what I have received in recovery has now become my life purpose. Seeing clients establish and maintain sustained emotional sobriety gives me great satisfaction. Over 85% of my clients succeed in reaching this goal and go on to pass on their gifts to others.
This success spurs me to continue to welcome new clients as my enthusiasm and toolkit of recovery resources constantly expand and evolve.
