Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
T.S. Eliot: `The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock´
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun…
Pink Floyd: `Time´
Planning is indispensable; plans are useless.
Winston Churchill
The issue of boredom came up in a conversation during the week. A young friend was complaining about it, saying that he was plagued by the long days in lockdown, feeling depleted and guilty about how he was squandering his time. Only later in the day, long after we had parted, did it hit me that the real issue was apathy, a topic not often discussed.
„Apathy is the belief, `I can´t´. It is the feeling that we cannot do anything about our situation and no one else can help. It is hopelessness and helplessness.´´ Thus writes David Hawkings in his magnum opus `Letting Go´.
I know this feeling well, having often experienced it during years of active addiction. It invariably led to the bar, sometimes to the next black out. The familiar route began in mild irritation, continued through tension, then despondency, and culminated in resignation, dressed up in the bravado of; `In for a penny, in for a pound…´. Being alone with myself seemed to overwhelm me, so any distraction, however trivial or even destructive, was a welcome relief.
When, in 2003, the drinking stopped and recovery began, the situation initially got worse until, driven by the nausea of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I began applying the tools of 12-Step Recovery. The process can be summed up in the words: `Trust God, clean house, help others´. A new world opened up to me; guidance and resources offered for fun and for free by those already enjoying the benefits of sobriety. Additional help came from many competent teachers from the wider world of healing and spriritual development; kind, gifted, compassionate guides such as Marianne Williamson, Eckhard Tolle, Julia Cameron, Wayne Dyer, and David Richo, only to name a few. Richo had grabbed my attention with the title of one of his shorter books; `How To Become An Adult´. This aroused my curiosity and I soon got eagerly stuck in; catching up in my mid forties!
Thus began my apprenticeship with this Jungian psychotherapist who happens to be an avid practioner of Buddhism, a further detail which drew me to his work. In this and later books, he underscores, again and again, the necessity of perseverence and continuity in developing a spiritual practice, – in fact any new practice, – exclaiming that three ingredients, above all others, were absolutely necessary: `Discipline and practice, discipline and practice, and discipline and practice´! It slowly began to rub off.
Meditation, contemplation, silence, creativity and play moved up my list of priorities and became integral elements of my typical days.
This brings us to the topic of time planning and daily routines. Earlier this week, as part of an online creativity workshop, we were asked to take a close look at how exactly we were spending our time. We did this in a group exercise by dividing the 168 hours of our typical week into a given list of general activities. These included obvious categories such as sleep, work, commuting, screen time (passive consumption), eating, social activities, exercise, social media (active/interactive), travel, chores, etc. and not so obvious categories such as stillness, personal development, creativity and play.
This was fun. Most of us, on totting up our initial estimates, ended up with 200 hours and more! So we had to review our activities more closely, in one or more itirations, to arrive at a more accurate representation of a typical week.
When the dust settled, the results were intriguing. Some of the latter categories listed above would not have been on my radar twenty years ago and now they are as well represented as the more obvious ones. This healthy balance can be put down to a growing capacity for self-care and the rigorous implementation of some of the sound ideas taught to me by David Richo, Julia Cameron, and many of those other wise mentors.
`Structure liberates´; this paradox is not commonly grasped in our society, a fact clearly evident in many process engineering projects I have conducted in organisations large and small throughout the years. Clearly-defined structures, and even the process of structuring itself, are anathema to many people who misguidedly believe that any structure is a threat to their freedom. Of course, if carried out in a compulsive manner, the results will not be beneficial; done in the spirit of willingness to learn, however, substantial potential, hitherto devoured by inefficiencies, waste and general confusion, can be released and applied directly (and creatively) to achieving a given purpose.
With respect to my pie chart, a caveat must be mentioned. I am currently on paid sabbatical leave and do not have to earn my crust. The hours documented in the `work´ category reflect service to my community carried out on a voluntary basis. Furthermore, there is no need for commuting which, in some earlier phases of my life, consumed extensive chunks of time. It is also relevant that, here in Germany, we have been in various levels of lockdown for just over twelve months. There is nowhere to go and nothing to do in the public domain. No concerts, no coffees with friends, no dancing, no sauna, no massage and, regretably, no travelling.
So, as a result, the pie chart is somewhat skewed.
Yet the balance reflected in my results exceeded even my own wildest dreams. This is clearly not simply a coincidence. It is a reflection, to a great extent, of the transformation of habits on the path of recovery. One of the early challenges which presented itself as not only a possibility but an absolute necessity was `self-care´. Up to that point it had been an alien concept. My daily period of sleep, for example, increased from four and a half to seven hours. At the outset, it took over a year to recover from having burned myself out over the previous two decades.
Over the years, meditation has become the first activity of each new day. If there are responsibilities to be met especially early, I simply get up correspondingly earlier in order to ensure having this quiet time, uncurtailed. It has become the most cherished time of my day.
As far as physical exercise is concerned, a favourite quote of mine used to be Churchill´s quip on his eightieth birthday upon being asked the secret to longevity. With his cognac in one hand and the infamous cigar in the other, he proudly exclaimed; `Absolutely no sports´.
How times have changed! A day without running or cycling for an hour or more, is now unimaginable. Living directly on the River Rhein between Bonn and Cologne lends itself to this. In my contract with myself I have signed up for at least one hour out of doors every day, regardless of the weather. There are, at most, a handful of exceptions in any year. Qigong, yoga and other forms of body exercise have also become important.
Another part of the `daily deal´ is journaling which is usually enjoyable, seldom a chore. I signed up for this as a daily practice (or rather at least six days per week – just to take the pressure off). The end result is an average of perhaps 350 days per year.
And so it continues. My creative side has blossomed, manifested in gardening, cooking, photography, writing, and dancing. I am currently learning Italian and guitar lessons are next up. And on and on it goes.
Learning to differentiate between enervating and rejuvenating activities (and environments) is also important. Some situations generate enthusiasm while others drain. It is my responsibility to cultivate the former and avoid the latter. A person may believe that an hour or two of TV each evening helps them unwind and relax but the clinical evidence points to a different effect. The person my well be `zoned out´ but the sympathic nervous system is even more aroused at the end of the evening’s TV consumption, often having a detremental effect on the quality of sleep, further perpetuating the cycle of depletion. Another counter-intuitive pattern, this time working in the opposite direction, is that I sometimes groan inwardly at the notion of going out for a run. Having overcome the initial resistance, however, I invariably feel better five minutes into the run and, on my return home after an hour, feeling refreshed, have never regretted making the effort.
Working with plants, walking barefoot in nature, swimming in the lake, river, or ocean, singing and dancing; these are some of the activities that really recharge my batteries to great effect. Subtle traps, like generating resentments, focusing at what is `missing´ in my life rather than counting my blessings, or having conversations with people who are not in the same room, always leave me depleted.
Not getting sucked into the black hole of social media is a challenge. Facebook has been my platform of choice for several years; now the transition to my own website is in progress. Having gotten rid of my TV many years ago, time spent consuming through the `semi-precious stone´, as Leonard Cohen called it, is limited to a few rugby internationals and, of late, Liverpool FC soccer games on my laptop. Yet the quicksand is there, eagerly intent on drawing me in.
As with all good exercises such as this weekly planning review, further refinement lies ahead. First in line is to check if my estimate really reflects the true situation; this can be established by keeping records for a week or two. Then, to ask some pertinent questions such as what impact major changes (i.e. the necessity to earn a living and/or no longer being single – the really high-impact circumstances which have challenged me repeatedly in the past) would have in future?
Finally, regardless of the new circumstances coming down the line, (they are coming!), are there `non-negotiable´ daily activities which need to be retained and, if so, how much time, at minimum, would be allocated to each? Watch this space!
As the Irish saying goes: `There’s no time like the present´.
